Top 6 Signs to Spot a Narcissistic Parent And How To Deal With Them.

Because sometimes, the hardest truth to face is the one closest to home.

Not all scars are visible and not all toxic relationships are easy to name, especially when they’re with a parent. Growing up with a narcissistic parent can shape your sense of self, relationships, and boundaries in ways you might not realize until years later.

If you've ever questioned whether your mother or father might be narcissistic, here are six major signs to spot a narcissistic parent and how to deal with them.

Six Major Signs to Spot A Narcissistic Parent

1. Everything Is About Them

Narcissistic parents have a way of making every conversation, accomplishment, or problem about themselves. If you’re celebrating a win, they’ll one-up you. If you're struggling, somehow it's your fault or it turns into their story. Your needs? Usually an afterthought.

“I know you’re upset, but how do you think that made me feel?”

Sound familiar?

2. They Lack Empathy

Empathy means understanding and validating someone else’s feelings. Narcissistic parents often dismiss or minimize your emotions entirely. They might mock you for being “too sensitive” or guilt trip you for having feelings that inconvenience them.

If your pain makes them uncomfortable, they’ll ignore it or turn it against you.

3. They Control Through Guilt or Fear

Guilt and fear are a narcissistic parent’s favorite tools. Whether they give you the silent treatment, veiled threats, or emotional manipulation like, “After all I’ve done for you…”, their goal is to keep control. It’s not about connection.

You may find yourself constantly walking on eggshells to avoid setting them off.

4. They Need Constant Validation

You might notice they fish for compliments, expect praise, or get irritated when attention is on someone else. In public, they might play the “perfect parent” role, while behind closed doors, the dynamic is very different.

Narcissistic parents often use their children to reflect their own image, not to support their child’s individuality.

5. Boundaries? What Boundaries?

They might read your journal, show up uninvited, demand access to every part of your life, or make decisions for you even as an adult. A narcissistic parent tends to believe you don’t get to have privacy or your ownlife, because you’re an extension of them.

Saying “no” to then can lead to a storm of guilt trips, silent treatments, or rage on the narcissistic parent’s part.

6. You’re the “Problem” (Always)

Whether you’re a child, a teen, or an adult, a narcissistic parent rarely takes responsibility. If there is a conflict, you are told you’re ungrateful, dramatic, or difficult or it’s your fault. The idea that they could be in the wrong is unthinkable to a narcissistic parent.

Now You Know How to Spot a Narcissistic Parent. How do you deal with them?

Recognizing narcissistic behavior in a parent is tough. It can bring up a lot of grief, confusion, and even guilt. You might be experiencing low self-esteem, anxiety, depression and trouble with relationship, because of attachment issues. Identifying the pattern is the first step toward healing and reclaiming your identity.

Just because they raised you doesn’t mean they were always right or are emotionally healthy. You’re not alone. There’s support, healing, and peace on the other side of awareness.

If you’re struggling to set healthy boundaries in your relationship, I’m here to help! Therapy with me can support you in asserting your needs and refocusing your energy on what matters most to you. Reach out to me to know more or get started by scheduling a free 15-minute consultation here!

How To Deal With Narcissistic Parents:

Helpful Supports:

• Doing Inner Child Work:

  • Journaling, re-parenting meditations, talking to your younger self with compassion, meeting with a therapist

• Setting Boundaries to Support Your Needs

• Therapy Modalities To Deal with Narcissistic Parents:

• EMDR (for trauma)

• IFS (Internal Family Systems)

• CBT or Schema Therapy (for rewiring thought patterns)

• Affirmations to Reclaim Your Power:

  • “I am allowed to protect my energy.”

  • “I don’t need your permission.”

  • “I am not responsible for someone else’s behavior.”
    

  📚 Highly Recommended Resources for Healing from Narcissistic Parents

📖 Books:

• “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” – Lindsay Gibson

• “Will I Ever Be Good Enough?” – Dr. Karyl McBride

• “Set Boundaries, Find Peace” – Nedra Glover Tawwab

• “The Narcissist’s Playbook” – Dana Morningstar

• “The Body Keeps the Score” – Bessel van der Kolk (for trauma healing)

📱 Online Resources:

• @nedratawwab (IG – boundary expert)

• r/raisedbynarcissists (Reddit support community)

• Out of the FOG (website full of resources for toxic family dynamics): outofthefog.website

Therapy for the Narcissistic Parent Relationship:

Therapy is a beautiful way to find support when recovering from a narcissistic parent relationship. I can help you learn your boundary style, decide if going “no contact” or taking space is right for you, and challenge the guilt that naturally comes up when shifting patterns and boundaries. In my therapy work, I use a blend of EMDR, IFS and CBT techniques to support my clients in their healing journey from narcissistic parents.

Contact me to get the support you deserve to heal from a narcissistic parent!

Final Thoughts:

Setting healthy boundaries in a relationship with a narcissistic parent is really hard, it can help to have a therapist support you with guilt and boundaries. I’m here to help! Therapy with me can support you in asserting your needs and refocusing your energy on what matters most to you. Reach out to me to know more or get started by scheduling a free 15-minute consultation here!